I have heard that teens feel trapped for many years, so there’s nothing new about the “generation gap” conversation. Every generation seems to feel it. However, the pace of change has really hit hard on families. The negative and polarizing amplification of extreme points of view has overtaken the way things used to be — we always yearn for simpler times.
In previous generations, it seemed like kids wanted to push the conversation toward the liberal side, while parents remained more conservative. These days, those categories barely register. It’s more to do with HOW to have these conversations, while honoring individual identities and nuanced positions, especially by and for women.
I say that the only way to deal with this is to become better listeners, instead of boxing out the voices you don’t like and demonizing them.
Both the left and the right in this country, right now, are at a crossroads: to be civil on one side and to be angry as hell on the other. Nothing seems to be going right. The institutional framework itself can barely hold when subject to some radical tests. Large SCOTUS decisions are impactful to a whole generation, and you should be validated for being concerned. Even in my family, where we are all on the same page, there are wildly differing viewpoints on various topics. Family, food, politics — what could go wrong? Well, add drinks to the mix and we’re liable to go down a slippery slope.
Another great way to channel your passion about the world is to get active. For example, if you’re concerned about social injustice, you could work for better legislation, donate to charities, or volunteer your time with organizations that align with your beliefs.
It’s been an exhausting couple of years. Everyone has to pause and take a breath. We need to try to understand, persuade, and stay calm — not turn to violence and vitriol.
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Nothing could be more real than feeling insecure in your 20s. If you can believe this, I have been coaching 20-somethings for decades to try and fail. Floundering in your 20s is good!! I hope you fall flat on your face!! Not always, not often, but once in a while.
Why would I say that? According to my favorite 20-Somethings motivator, Psychologist Meg Jay, (“The Defining Decade”), all the learning and growth takes place in those spaces of fear, uncertainty, and avoidance. Once you dive into your life, it’s OK to make a wrong turn, course correct, and understand who you really are —your likes and dislikes, your moods, your anxieties— and then watch the flower bloom. The bloom comes from the roots.
The self-knowledge that you gain from experience is unmatchable. Hiding in your room and doing nothing — that’s the dangerous path. Meg Jay goes on to say that your 20s are not a “throwaway” decade — they matter! One reason I work with young adults is that I too struggled in my 20s, made poor choices, and shocker — even changed my major. That’s why travel is good for the young; you get out there and see, smell, and taste the world that is more complex than you know yet.
Of course, you won’t be the most confident one at work. That’s why we have internships, mentorships, and opportunities for learning safely. Lean into all of them! Feedback and rejection can give you much-needed areas to focus on. Maybe you are not positive every second of the day. I have often told young clients “Nobody cares how you feel!” (a weird statement for a therapist to make). Just do your work. Do you think I like to work every single day of my life? NO! But you just keep swimming and after a couple of strong currents, voila, you’re in the lead!
To summarize:
Self-doubt is normal — allow yourself to feel it.
Practice makes perfect — it takes time to gain confidence and experience.
There’s no substitute for life experience — trying new things gives you a lot of personal data.
Accepting criticism is hard, but it will ultimately make you stronger and more humble.
Just keep swimming!
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